toddler

"We could paint the house a different color, change the locks, and who knows, maybe start having sex again?"

[via The Chive]

This is what it sounds like when doves chwi.

[via Rats Off]

"Will this thing ever end?  She was a toddler.  This memorial has been longer than her actual life."

[via journo-fascist profiteer]

But also very fun!

Get me a child. And a cape.

[via Gawker]

He's already going and breaking this girl's heart.

Which I'm fine with. Because she needs inspiration for those sad, beautiful tunes.

[via BIOTV]

Last time you sat on a ping pong table it broke and you bruised your tailbone and you had to sit on one of those embarrassing donut pillows for weeks.

Remember that, fatass?

[via The Daily What]

You think that's bad? You should watch them catch flies with chopsticks! Very poor dexterity.

[via Videogum]

Smelliest lap dance I've ever received.

[via izismile]

Uh-uh, get outta that trash. Because that is way worse than your WHOLE BODY BEING IN THE TOILET.

[via Videogum]

A four-year-old that's smart enough to use the word horrendous is smart enough to know when a football team sucks.

Go Steelers.

[via Urlesque]