traffic

Susan's last will and testament: "I want to fuck up everyone's commute."

[via Break]

The Ducks — the long-awaited retooling of Alfred Hitchcock's The Birds — just isn't as scary as the original.  Unless you find moderate traffic congestion really scary.

And the dialogue sucks.  "There's a white guy lost there"??  Um, clearly they're in the suburbs.  I'm pretty sure it's all the other ducks who are lost.

[via The Daily What]

Congratulations to Talkie Pictures, creators of last night's Tosh.0 Viewer Video of the Week!

If you missed it or can't get enough of "Jogger," check out the video above.

And don't forget to submit your own videos for a chance to be the next Viewer Video on Tosh.0.

They wouldn't have stopped for a black swan.

We received nearly fifteen hundred comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

After looking at your likes, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Mike Jones.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Check back Monday at 4pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge.

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.

Canada has been tightening up border security.

Think you have a better caption for this image? Post your own joke about this picture in the comments. Then check back Friday at noon when we'll post our favorite!

And help us choose our favorite by liking the captions you think are best. We'll take your likes into consideration when making our pick.

On a mobile device? Go here.

[photo: Carl de Souza/AFP/Getty Images]

Come on!  You mean you filmed all day and you didn't catch a single pedestrian or cyclist being hit by a bus?!?

What the hell was I watching for then?

For education??  Pfft.

[via The Daily What]

Last Friday, we showed you "Sloth Crossing Street" and asked you to give us a better title.

We picked five of our favorites and now it's your chance to vote on a winner.

Vote below! Then check back this Thursday for the results and a new video.

This video is called "Sloth Crossing Street."  Eight years ago this would have made for a solid Anna Nicole Smith joke.  Can you believe it's been 8 years since her reality show?  Christ.  Anyway, pick a new celebrity to make fun of.  Or be more creative.

Think you got a funnier name for this video? Let us know in the comments! Then check back on Tuesday at noon for the vote off!

The winner of this week's Rename This Video Vote was Michael Paul who edged out his closest competition by a nose.  (Here a "nose" being 71 votes.)  His winning title was "And yet he can't solve the mystery of the bra," humorously implying that this young Rubik's Cube stud can't get laid.  But what you didn't consider is that he could be gay.  Then he wouldn't need to understand a bra to get laid.  Did you consider that?!?  Congratulations on winning the vote anyway though, Michael!

Here's a crazy story: On Tuesday, a man was arrested in Los Angeles for running down the 405 Freeway naked during morning rush hour.  Apparently some lucky commuter was able to snap the priceless photo above.

Now before you judge him…  BEFORE YOU JUDGE HIM, OKAY!!!

WAIT!  STOP!!  Before you JUDGE this guy, keep this in mind…

He was on tons of drugs.

Okay.  Had you taken that into consideration??

Had you?

[FYI, I have no confirmation that this guy was on tons of drugs.  BUT BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME, OKAY!  BEFORE YOU JUDGE ME...  He had to have been on tons of drugs.  He just had to.]

[via Jalopnik]

When the fuck did the Kool-Aid guy get a car??

We received over two thousand comments in our most recent Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!

After much deliberation, we picked the caption above from a comment left by Paul Quattrini.

Thanks to everyone who submitted! Check back Monday at 4pm for another edition the Tosh.0 Caption Challenge!

And remember: To enter our next Tosh.0 Caption Challenge using your phone, and to sign up for alerts whenever the latest caption challenge begins, text PUKE to 44686. To cancel, text END to 44686.