trash

Here are all of the clips from tonight's episode that are available on our site:

• This week's Web Redemption was LP Theories (above)
• Two dudes shared smoke rings
• We put 20 Seconds on the Clock for a kid with long eyelashes
• A guy had a tantric orgasm in this week's Video Breakdown
• Daniel went grocery shopping with Carrot Top
• Daniel took out the trash with Carrot Top
• We debuted Daniel's new scent
• And Daniel got gas with Carrot Top

"I told you, Timmy: wishing for a better life only makes the bag feel tighter."

[via Acid Cow]

I had sex with a trash can once.  It was total garbage.

[via The Daily What]

I buy my raincoats by the roll, bitch.

[via theamericankid]

She might look a little trashy, but… uh… you know…

[via Izismile]

…or maybe he's the cleanest.

[via It Makes No Sense]

This interview went from boring to great in a matter of seconds. And that's because the news is less entertaining than a plastic bag.

Here is a list of some other things on television that could be improved by adding a plastic bag!

Every other news show, Whitney, Dancing With The Stars, Whitney, Two Broke Girls, Mike & Molly, Hawaii Five-O, Hart of Dixie, Terra Nova, House, Last Man Standing, Body of Proof, Unforgettable, NCIS, NCIS: LA, Whitney, Ringer, Glee, Biggest Loser, Parenthood, Suburgatory, The Middle, Revenge, Free Agents, Up All Night, Harry's Law, Grey's Anatomy, Person of Interest, The X Factor, I Hate My Teenage Daughter, Whitney, Bones, Whitney, Once Upon A Time, Grimm, Allen Gregory, The Good Wife, Desperate Housewives, and Whitney.

I'm sure I forgot some. But what's important is that the bag makes it's way to the set of Whitney.

[via BIOTV]

The hare wasn't going to lose this time.  He ordered a hit to have the tortoise taken out Nancy Kerrigan-style.

Oh, come on.  It's not that bad.  After like 5 or 6 babies they'll be stacked high enough that the ones on top can get out.

[via Reddit]

Poor people have the worst pool parties.

[via Picture Is Unrelated]