vmas

Somewhere Chris Brown and Russell Brand are jerking each other off and crying.

[via Failblog]

I didn't watch the VMAs, primarily because I am old.  I spent last night listening to The Doobie Brothers' 1975 classic Stampede which is all the music a person needs in his lifetime.

However, the MTV Video Music Awards are popular on Twitter and Tumblr and everywhere else Beliebers dwell, so I thought I'd look over The Daily What's summary of the event and give you my summary of his summary…

Beyoncé is pregnant.  That seems like the only noteworthy thing from last night.

Jay-Z is 41 and it will be his first child.  This makes Jay-Z "the David Letterman of rappers."

He's got 99 problems but unplanned pregnancies ain't one.

Shrug.  That's all I got.  Thanks to The Daily What for watching the VMAs so I didn't have to.  If I missed anything else, just fill me in in the comments which I don't read.

Lady Gaga stole the show at the VMAs last night winning eight awards and sporting three crazy outfits that involved feathers, meat, and some scary lobster claw shoes.

Gaga is invading our radios, our televisions, and now our slaughterhouses, people. She's everywhere!

But what about her brother, Garry Gaga?

The lesser known family member makes an appearance in comedian Nick Swardson's new show Pretend Time which premieres October 12th on Comedy Central. THE BEST CHANNEL ON TELEVISION.  Find out more by liking the Pretend Time Facebook page.

In case you missed Pretend Time's Wheelchair Cat, you can see it here. Jokes at the expense of the handicapped? You're in.

In his first public appearance since the VMAs, Kanye West apologized last night on some crazy new talk show I've never heard of (as seen above).

Mr. West seems to be reaching out via all forms of media in an attempt to clear his name, but he continues to be today's biggest source of Internet fodder and online mockery.

So what do you think?  Do Kanye's apologies ring true or is he just trying to preserve his own ego as any good egomaniac would?

When Kanye-bashing, the all-caps thing works especially well.

Single-serving one-liner sites like Barack Obama is Your New Bicycle (and more recently, Joe Wilson is Your Pre-Existing Condition) were the precursor to micro-humor-blogs like FML. Well, since interrupting Taylor Swift's VMA speech this weekend, even Kanye West has earned one: Kanye Needs to STFU. Here are a few iterations of the joke, from the new Kanye site:

KANYE IS JUST WAITING FOR YOUR PRIEST TO ASK 'IF ANYONE KNOWS WHY THIS MAN AND WOMAN SHOULD NOT BE WED…'

KANYE NEEDS TO BE HANDCUFFED TO FURNITURE AT AWARD SHOWS

KANYE NEEDS A TIME-OUT WITH NO MILK AND COOKIES

But why stop with Kanye? Here are a few single-serving sites that I think need making:

• Michael Jackson is Your Favorite Tribute Show
• Beyonce is Your Second Acceptance Speech
• Lady Ga Ga is Your Maybe-Hermaphrodite
• Taylor Swift is Your Country Music Singer

In the comments, leave your single-serving website ideas or some one-liners that could go with the sites above. Better yet, take a crack at a single-serving site yourself. Wired has some instructions.

[via Mat]