waste

I had sex with a trash can once.  It was total garbage.

[via The Daily What]

Oh, come on.  It's not that bad.  After like 5 or 6 babies they'll be stacked high enough that the ones on top can get out.

[via Reddit]

Boston.com reports on the decline in the Christmas card, saying "Season?s greeting cards spread a bit thin this year."

?We see a 10 to 15 percent decline in the overall volume of mailed paper greeting cards this year,?? said Neil Hendry, of Datamonitor, a New York-based retail analysis firm. ?There are two principle reasons: technology and the economy.??

Pardon my Scrooge-itude, but I say good riddance.

You know what Christmas cards are?  Garbage.  Each year people are mailing stacks of garbage to all their friends and relatives.

In the old days, a letter was necessary to send information, maybe tell people what you've been up to.  A Christmas card still tells people what you've been up to, only now, what you've been up to is becoming a douche bag.

Because instead of sending an email, you are sending paper waste and forcing your friends to dispose of it for you.

God, who some people believe created Christmas by the way, has given us the gift of the Internet to spread holiday cheer in a far more environmentally friendly and economically savvy manner.

Just go with it, people!

As long as you don't stoop this low:

Beth Charbonneau…reluctantly swapped a holiday greetings model dating back to the 1800s for this four-sentence posting on Facebook: ?Dear Everyone, Please consider this your holiday card for the year. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Blessed Yule, and so on. Sorry to be a lame friend but, really, I?m just not Superwoman. I admit defeat on holiday cards.??

No, Beth, you are not Superwoman, but you do appear to be a self-righteous, self-centered jerk.

For you, I'll send a stack of Christmas card that you have to throw out.  That seems like a proper punishment.

[via Reddit]

Via CreativeCloud, we find some interesting statistics about "If You Printed The Internet…"

As the above stat informs us: "If you printed the Internet, reading it would take 57,000 years, 24 hrs a day, 7 days a week, non-stop."

Unfortunately, CreativeCloud doesn't cite where these statistics came from, so we have no way of knowing what the hell they are talking about.  I mean, think about these factors…

• How long does it take to "read" a picture with the word "FAIL" superimposed across it?
• Are we including vlog transcripts or would I just have to read the descriptions?
• Would I be forced to read the results of all of the world's fantasy football leagues?
• Can I use Google Translate to read foreign web pages?  (If I had to translate by hand using a dictionary, that could really slow me down.)

As you can see, CreativeCloud's assertions are questionable at best.

Plus, everyone knows the Internets aren't for readings, they're for lookings!