water

Oh no, that water is going to destroy all of your shitty mobile phone concert footage.

[via Izismile]

Since you spend all day on the Tosh blog, here's what you're missing on the rest of the web:

• A grown ass man got stuck in a high chair and had to call 911. PS his friends left him there.
• This clip from HBO's Real Sex is one of those WOW moments. I've played it ten times already.
• A drunk angry guy cut off his penis to get back at his girlfriend. Sound logic.
• Tobias Funke in The Shining. This scene still makes me want to pee my cutoffs.
• Girls in and around water is all kinds of sexy! Stay hydrated, kids.
• 'Follow me/Bring beer' sandals. I should say both of those things to potential suitors.
• Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet are- AHHHH.
• A Papa John's delivery guy was busted for delivering $40,000 worth of cocaine. Did he include the garlic sauce??
• Dharma eats spaghetti. Is the singular for spaghetti still spaghetti? She eats ONE spaghetti.
• Justin Bieber has 24 hours to claim his monkey, is definitely not going to.
• A dude rubbed his dick on some pepperoni in a grocery store because why not?
• Bonus Link: Mama June's portrait, which to be honest reminds me of Kim Kardashian's pregnant feet.

[photo via Gawker]

If this was created 40 years ago, that makes it okay to masturbate to now, right?

[via Izismile]

Come hell or high water, I need my eBay purchases.

[via Imgur]

For when you want your fabric interior to smell like moldy dog!

[via Break]

"Mold? No, I don't smell any mold." -Your sketchy real estate agent.

[via Imgur]

"You know, so I can watch my favorite movie, Castaway."

[via Izismile]

So with a flick of my magic blogging wand…

When you're dehydrated, every second counts.

And don't forget to check out the other people who deserve fame!

[via Barstool]

What if I have inactive diarrhea that's just waiting for the right moment like say, in a pool?

[via our post-supervisor's building]

The baby tourists love this fountain.

[via Oddee]