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I'm betting this was written by the groom.† You have to admire his efforts meticulously learning how to forge Mom's handwriting.
Now he's bought himself some time to think about how he's going to trick her into staying thin after the wedding.† That's really the most important stage in this game.
It happens every year: You eat way too much food and become a total fat ass during the holidays.
It's a sad state of affairs really.
Why are people even bothering to search "weight"?† We all know we ate too much.† Why not search "how to get some goddman self-control for a change" or "how to shut my pie hole"?
If not that, then just search for "living with obesity."† At least then you're being honest with yourself.
Not that banner ads are known for their accurate depictions of truth and reality (typically they involve conning suckers into playing the easiest flash game ever created in an attempt to sell travel packages), but the specific banner ad seen above is just egregious.
What's with the before and after pics?
"4 weeks later I was bigger and buffer and — oh yeah — I also shaved my chest and got about a decade worth of tattoos all over my arms."
What was this guy thinking? Sleeves? All the fat must've gone from his stomach to his head. If you're going to show off your sexy new chest with a killer swastika tat on your left pec, that's one thing, but you can get sleeves even when you are a "fat slob."† In fact, comparing the two pics, the arms are the one body party that doesn't even look that different.† Screw the weight loss, you coulda just gone with the sleeves, man!
But that logic would assume that these two pics are the same person, and, they obviously aren't.
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