windows

So… what's he into?

[via Happy Place]

"Fuck this.  Getting to online porn is too complicated.  I'll just masturbate to the video." ? Every single person who bought this video.

Because let's be honest: If you're sleazy enough to buy a Windows 95 tutorial taught by a woman in a bikini, you're sleazy enough to fap to a Windows 95 tutorial taught by a woman in a bikini.

[via Viral Viral Videos]

Next week's all new episode of Tosh.0 features our first ever "Web Retreat" with the Double Rainbow Guy!

But in between hanging out with us, Paul Vasquez found the time to shill for Microsoft in the ad above.

I think this was a great move for him.  Obviously, a little extra cash probably won't kill him.  But more importantly, anyone who doubted the authenticity of his original Double Rainbow video, well here's proof he wasn't faking …because he sure can't act!  All the way!!

Tune in next Wednesday to check out Daniel's amazing adventure with the Double Rainbow Guy!  They promise not to try to sell you any computer software.

Making this music video isn't as hard as it looks.

All he had to do was use a computer!

Cheater!

[via UniqueDaily]

If you use Windows, your computer has been hiding something from you.

No, it's not the latest computer virus or some top secret spyware.  It's only the greatest musical MIDI medley of all time!

Typically, all computers come bundled with crazy media programs with weird sample images or nature videos.  The first time you open that free music player that you will almost immediately replace with iTunes, it plays some terrible song by some terrible band who's now-bankrupt label probably paid good money to get it on your system.

So why did Windows choose to bury this masterpiece so deep within your directories?  We may never know.  But now that some savvy tech-types have dug it out for us, we can all bask in its musical glory.

For those who don't use windows, you can also hear the song here.

[via Reddit]

Ha. Get it? It's that paperclip from Windows '98. Helping a person install actual windows.

Listen, Microsoft, you and your users have never been funny. Your ads and promotion for Windows 7 have been awkward, Bill Gates will always be a dork, and no matter how many different colors you offer for your laptops, you'll never be cool. Sorry.

I'm a Mac user and proud of it. Even Justin Long's got you beat on this one, and he's a huge dork.

If you want to argue about it, I won't need to argue back. Because I have a visual aid to prove how dorky Microsoft is — this picture of Bill Gates:

[image via Reddit]

Alright, bub.  You've already seen the picture, so you get the joke, but allow me to "riff" on it anyway.  Because that's what they pay us the big blogger bucks to do!

'Cause you see, the Windows' people have been spending all that money on those "Laptop Hunters" television commericals with attractive women making unattractice computer purchases to show how buyers get more value for their money buying a PC.

And that worked, but here, you see, this is their new campaign: The one where you tape an apple to your laptop and then it's like an Apple!

Right?!  Am I right??  Just like next time you're eating an apple, just turn to your friends and be like, "Is this an iPhone?!  Am I eating an iPhone?!?  Because it tastes like I'm eating some sort of an Apple product!!!"

Your friends will bury you in a shallow grave.