winners

Think you have what it takes to write the next hilarious Tosh.0 promo?

Prove it by entering the Talk for Tosh contest!

One Grand Prize winner will have their idea selected as the concept for an actual Tosh.0 promo spot and will also receive a Slide HD camera and a Comedy Central prize pack.

Five First Prize winners will each receive a Mino HD camera.

The rest of you are losers… but seriously, what else is new.

Get inspiration by watching eight of our favorite Tosh.0 promos here.

And then GO ENTER!

Here's a recent promo to get you started…

Little known fact: That's not actually Daniel's mother in the promo above.

Sounds like a verse right out of the bible!

Might as well sew it into a sweater, right?

[via reddit]

Round 1 has come to an end, and what an amazing four days it was!

We received over 17,000 votes per poll for a whopping 139,000+ total votes.  I don't think Montana does that well in their gubernatorial election.

What happened?  Well, first, let's look at a couple blow outs.

Jumpsuits was the biggest winner, clobbering Raincoats by a 76% to 24% margin.  They'll be taking on another big winner in the second round, Fruit Costumes, which beat up on the much heralded Wetsuits to the tune of over 5,000 votes.

In our closest battle, surprisingly Bowling Shirts edged out Sweater Vests by just 284 votes.  Sweater Vests received a lot of nominations, but turns out people just couldn't resist seeing Daniel in turquoise.  In what's sure to be an interesting 2nd round match up, Bowling Shirt will face Hawaiian Shirts, which soundly defeated Argyle — proving once again that no one is a winner when they're wearing argyle.

In a monster upset for fashion, Ugly Sweaters had a 32 percentage point victory over Formal Jackets.  Turns out our stylist was right: People aren't ready to see a formal Daniel Tosh yet.  But voting did Daniel's favorite team proud, as Sports Jerseys edged out Track Jackets by just under 2,000 votes, probably with a little support from Miami fans.

Lastly, Metal Tees took down my personal favorite Starter Jackets by a slim margin, 327 votes, though I don't think anything is more metal than rockin' an old school Starter Jacket!  We'll see if Slayer is ready to kick some ass against Mesh Shirts in the next round, as the slightly see-through top beat up on Bathrobes by a 20% margin.  Metal vs. Mesh is sure to be an epic battle.

And that's it.  Your 1st round winners and loser and your 2nd round match ups.

SEE THE FULL BRACKET HERE.

And then check back tomorrow at noon for the start of 2nd round voting!  It's down to our elite eight articles of clothing…

Keyboard Dog being played off by Keyboard Cat. Bravo, internet. I'm giving you a sitting ovation right now.

But internet, aren't you supposed to be faster than that? If you wanted to hop on the Keyboard Cat train, you're about a year too late. Sure, I'm posting this, so that'll give you about 53 more hits. But sooner than later, you're going to get lost in the shuffle of more serious internet business, like the latest FFFFU guy comic.

I appreciate your effort and understand if you've got a bad internet connection so it took you awhile to make and post this, but you're wasting your time. And mine, I might add. And just because you rarely let us down, internet, I'm going to give you a chance to redeem yourself. Let's not make this mistake again, okay little buddy? Go on, go outside and play with the rest of the web.

Let's see what you can come up with. Just stop playing the goddamn keyboard.

Don't you people understand?! The internet is a PARTY. All of the time. Research paper, mesearch taper. Wheeee!

At least for most of you. You have your fun, easy going normal jobs where you email your buddies funny cat videos and the occasional photobomb. You laugh, because it's silly and fun! For you, the internet party is a rager. You've been working hard, and tonight is the night. You get a great outfit, meet up with your friends, and head over to this house party that's unreal! There's new and exciting people there, a margarita machine and a DJ. You party until the wee hours and go home with a girl you just met. It's like a fairytale, if princesses partied and the internet was an actual party.

But for me, it's different. Because the internet party is my job. It's at a crackhouse and filled with dark, mean people that kick each other in the nuts and throw up all the time. I have to be there, because at this point, it's how I make my living. So I'm either the drug dealer or a crackhead. I can't tell which one I am because I'm so entrenched in it. Sometimes I cry through the whole party, but sometimes I forget it's my life and laugh along with the drug addicts. The police come, I get arrested, and just spend my 24 hours in jail figuring out where I'm going to get more internet for the party when I bust out. It's a sad, horrible life.

Anyway, you guys go ahead and have fun. I'll be stuck in this internet party for God knows how long. But you go ahead and enjoy it.

I'll be in the shadows …looking for more.

[pic via Yep Yep]

Get a bad holiday gift?

No need to worry. There's a website out there for you. Why? Because it's the world wide web, that's why.

*Sigh.* I feel like I say that everyday at this job. (Because I do).

Anyway, this idea's kind of entertaining — you go this site, Badgiftemporium.com, post what you've got to pawn off (like the Mexican jumping beans above), and a buyer finds you.

It's kind of like eBay. Except, well, there is no "except." You can probably find all these awful gifts on eBay too. Ah, well. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery.

Especially when it's ironic, right? Check it out, it looks just like Urban Outfitters!

Two bloggers have been jailed in Azerbaijan (I haven't heard of it either) for blogging. According to Yahoo,

The bloggers, who had been in jail since their arrests in July, say they were targeted for political reasons because of their online criticism of authorities in the oil-rich nation.

The pair had posted a satirical Internet video of a donkey giving a press conference.

A donkey giving a press conference?! That's hilarious!

Thank god we don't live in Azerbaijan here at the Tosh.0 blog, because we'd be in trouble for a LOT of stuff.
Like this, this and this. Or this, this or this. Or this.

So, pretty much everything.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!

[via Yahoo News]

Remember the popcorn challenge? Don't forget, you can still submit your inappropriate times to do Randy "Macho Man" Savage impressions HERE.

WATCH A BRAND NEW TOSH.0 TONIGHT AT 10pm/9c ON COMEDY CENTRAL!

Christvertising.com.  Don't act like you haven't heard of it. It's the best thing you can do for your brand and the ultimate customer: God.

Bring profit to your business through the power of prayer. They even have refreshments! I'm scheduling a meeting with Christvertising to get this Tosh.0 Blog to the next level.  God's level.  Who's with me!?

These guys are.

The chairman of the FCC, Julius Genachowski, decided to use a bunch of Bruce Springsteen's song titles in a speech yesterday about preserving an 'open internet:'

?Everywhere from the Streets of Philadelphia to My Hometown in New York, every Bobby Jean and every Jersey Girl l should be counting on the Internet remaining free and open, not Counting on a Miracle. They should count on The Rising of millions of voices to beat back any Darkness on the Edge of Town, or broadband Badlands that could threaten limited choice and create potential bottlenecks.

?The people who built the Internet were working on more than a computer network, they were Working on a Dream. It was a network that was Born to Run in a land of open protocols, (the Promised Land). The Internet is more than an information highway, it is a telecom Thunder Road of wonderfully chaotic creativity and it will be a Lonesome Day if that is ever lost. But, hold on, Janey, Don?t You Lose Heart, because the FCC will be taking up open Internet rules in the near future.?

Wow, thanks Genachowski.  Not only have you just composed the lamest speech ever, you've just proved to everyone how old you are.  And you know how old people are terrified of computers…

[via Fark]