That was me, moments before trying the new, and much maligned, KFC Double Down Sandwich. (Ironically, "So meaty, there's no room for the bun!" is also my personal motto.)
Having completed my rigorous daily schedule of 5 blog posts well before 1pm, I figured that left me plenty of time to venture down to the KFC at Penn Station in New York City to try the sandwich the Internet had been buzzing about.
The AV Club declared, "Each bite became a grueling endurance test, as the cheese and grease began to override the chicken breasts, and the sandwich grew more revolting-looking with each bite." That was, I would say, an average review.
People want to prance around, holier-than-thou, like they've never eaten fucking chicken breast, cheese and bacon before. The only real epiphany here is that KFC has removed the bun. How does removing an ingredient make something gross?? Typically, not having a bun makes something classier. It's the difference between having a steak for dinner or a steak sandwich. Sandwiches ain't classy.
If you've ever eaten a chicken sandwich from any fast food restaurant on planet Earth, you've probably eaten something that is as gross, or as un-gross if that is your opinion of fast food, than the Double Down. You can pretend you don't eat fast food all you want, but if you're the kind of person who is even willing to try the Double Down, you obviously eat fast food, and if you eat fast food, you've eaten shit grosser than this.
So I ate the Double Down. It tasted like two perfectly normal chicken patties with some typically terrible fast food cheese and bacon between them. I don't see how it's that far removed from KFC's lazy attempt at a cordon bleu.
Was it awesome? Of course not. Was it terrible? Meh. It's KFC. What do you expect?! Seriously? What would you expect this "sandwich" to taste like.
Am I sick of hearing about it? Well, that is a resounding yes.
And do I feel guilty throwing down a ridiculous $5.99 to get caught up in this madness? I will never escape my shame…