product

"It's taken 60 years of tinkering, but finally avid water skiers and wake boarders have real freedom."

SIXTY YEARS of tinkering!?!? Can you imagine how lonely the guy is that spent 60 years creating a solo ski? That guy is the Ebenezer Scrooge of water sports.

"Leave me be, friends and neighbors! I prefer to wake board in solitude!"

[via Geekologie]

Do you ever cook bacon in the morning and wish you could smell like it for the rest of the day? Well, wish no more! Because bacon cologne is now a thing! That is for sale. On the Internet.

It actually sounds kind of disgusting. But it can't be worse than Axe Body Spray.

So go ahead. Mist that pork.

[via Geekologie]

Do you ever go to the dentist for x-rays and think, hey, this giant long bib thing looks pretty good on me. I wish they made waterproof ones I could wear all the time! Well, here ya go!

Time to order the SlobStopper, Mr. Spilly Pants!

The SlobStopper is an adult bib for commuters who spill coffee all over their chests, even when the car is parked.

Are you a literal soccer mom? Are you a horny businessman? Then the SlobStopper is right for you!

Order now and you'll receive a free pack of adult diapers.

[via IHC]

I found this pair of pants for you on Etsy. So you can stop searching high and low for jeans with 46 hand sewn sperm patches. Because here they are!

Christmas came early!

(Sorry.)

[via Unique Daily]

2011 is all about Forever Lazy. The "one-piece, lie-around, lounge-around, full-body lazy wear" with zippered hatches in front and back when duty calls.

It's the ultimate in American comfort.

Opening your unemployment check just got that much cozier!

[via Jezebel]

Forget the iPod, iPad, iPhone, and all that other shit Steve Jobs is selling. Those pieces of plastic have nothing on the Top Charming Breast Stimulator. As far as I can tell from this awesome commercial, it's practically magic.

My birthday is in a few weeks. And all I want is the Top Charming Breast Stimulator.

If I can go from being sad in a brown cardigan to happy in an orange tank top, then 2011 will be a good year indeed.

[via HuffPo]

Art doesn't need an explanation. Just ask Marina Abramovic, the performance artist who had a bunch of naked models stand around the MoMA in her latest show. (Still bummed I missed out on all that nudity, I mean, self-expression.)

Anyway, this is clearly art. So I'm not going to try to interpret what's going on here.

I will say, though, that you should return any Christmas present you might have already picked out for me. Because all I want it is a Bagger 288. (Or my own naked model. Either would be nice.)

[via It Makes No Sense]

Yeah, I like it.

But Mike and I are working on a "Merry Christmas From Hell" ornament that will probably be a much bigger seller:

Didn't make it to heaven but don't shed a tear. The whiskey is far more plentiful down here.

Patent pending, you invention stealers.

[via Chive]

America has no sense of humor, right? Duh. We've all seen Two and a Half Men, America's favorite TV show.

But Canada does have a sense of humor. We've all seen the preview for Lake Shore, the only TV show I've ever heard of coming out of Canada.

So when TheCheeky.com, a Canadian-based business, started selling piggy banks made from real piglets, you can imagine the outrage from America (land of the free, home of Babe).

The taxidermied piglet is selling for $4,000 and it takes 12 months to create. Have you guys heard of the term "joke"? Because it's on you. Now get back to your B.L.T.

[via MNN]

Gooood morning, friends! What better way to wake up this fine day than with the new Sausage Pancake Bites from Dunkin' Donuts?!

Caution: You're about to get fat.

Wash these puppies down with some Bacon Soda and your day is off to a perfect start!

Yum. Yum. Combined food yum.

[via ihc]