quotes

"Friendly" service, "cheap" prices? What's not to "love"?

[via Break]

OK, which one of our ex-girlfriends wrote this sign?

[via Unnecessary Quotation Marks]

"Crap, the 's' in 'settle' isn't capitalized. Ah, screw it."

[via Break]

"That's a quote from my neighbor. He kills kids."

[via "Blog" Of "Unnecessary" Quotation Marks]

The first draft of this sign was "Please Ejaculate In Our Video Store."

[via Unnecessary Quotes]

Kind of like how I "wear" a condom with my girlfriend. (Never wear a condom and try to pull out most times. Sorry, Karen.)

[via Izismile]

They're not related, but they all love to gamble.

[via The Daily What]

The Nicolas Cage philosophy: Why pay to go to an expensive acting school when you can just hang out at the psych ward?

[via The High Definite]

You youngsters probably know Mike Tyson from The Hangover.

But back before his recent career revival, Mike Tyson was the greatest boxer of an entire generation.

And between those two periods, he was a drain on society.

These quotes are taken mostly from that middle period.

[via The High Definite]

Daniel says some pretty awful stuff. So why not take those awful things out of context and rearrange them to make him sound even worse?

That's exactly what you can do with the Tosh.0 Out Of Context Phrase Machine!

Mike and I both made mash-ups for your listening pleasure. His is pretty gay. And mine is also pretty gay.

In fact, it's next to impossible to make one that's not. Have fun!